Let's hit it

She made some changes...... Bye bye Los-Angeles is the theme and here is how it all started:


Challenging relationships can be, whats the word....  challenging.... Let's call him Humbert. He is a handsome charming man, who opened parts of my brain I was afraid to explore. He dug, and dug and dug deep into the bright and dark places. I freaked out, went to seek outside "help" and got it. I got it. I can't be with anyone right now. I can barely handle myself, how will I carry any more weight? So it stopped. and Silence. Not the golden kind, The stinging one. so I wrote, about him. quite a lot. But then deleted. Here is a small chunk from what's left:

_______________________________________

.

the worry and shame is eating her alive as she sadly hums to their lyrics. 

his words carried her through this and he was the one who brought her here. 

he helped her write and then took it away. 

meeting after meeting they talk about serenity and gd and the higher power and its uplifting capabilities. 

she does not feel uplifted. 

she is a broken vase which the flowers that were cherished for so long have died a sad and lonely death. each peddle had its wish, only to come to a crumbling brown end. 

the tear that glides down her cheek is not because of you. or the 6%. or the expenses. or the lack of direction. but from an even darker and more unexplained place. 

she does not see the reason to keep searching for the things she do not know of. what is out there that she seeks? and why doesn't she know what is best for her? 

after all she is she. 

or is she? 

you and you added by you and you and you and her and him? 

the makeup of she is not me. it is what she choses it to be and that is not always what i necessarily want for thee. 

in other words you are not fucking unique. or perhaps you are. 

following the guidelines of truth and the ability to manage the realization that it does not exist is truthful. so is it there? 

your empty words have left her standing here. alone. sad. afraid. trembled. unappreciated. weary. anxious. alive. dead. crying. cold. and more confused than ever.

its that big guy up there pointing his finger and chuckling to himself. "you had it good. didn't you? now watch………."